Aargh

If one more person comments on the fact that my family will now be complete / perfect because I’m having a boy come November, I’m going to scream. ‘One of each kind, you’re so lucky’ is a statement I’ve come to hate with a passion. It’s killed my joy that I’ve having a little boy – a boy I wanted only for variety’s sake – not because having a male child will ‘complete’ my family.

I’m not kidding when I say I’d have been just as happy with another daughter, or even another two daughters and I wouldn’t go on endlessly having children trying to produce a male heir. Our Grand Plan includes three kids and I KNOW I’d have been perfectly content if all of them turned out to be daughters. Of course, we’d miss having a son because we wouldn’t have known what bringing up a boy was like but not because of the other, horrible, illogical reasons.

What depresses me is that these comments aren’t coming only from the older generation, who prized their sons, their male heirs – I could ignore those - but even from people who belong to our more global, free-thinking and even feminist generation – the generation that should be working towards a gender-wise egalitarian society. Still such a long way to go. Funnily, these comments are from women more than men. Most men comment about how cool it would be to share the joys of PS II / other gadgets with the new addition but thank God, nothing about how I’ve done my duty by my husband, my family, as a woman and wife, by having a son because that would drive me to the point of actual homicide.

I want these comments to stop at ‘one of each kind! congratulations!’ – I don’t want to hear anymore. I have three months to go and I want to spend it thinking happy thoughts instead of murderous ones.

Mahnoorism for the day

I often address mahnoor as princess or babes.. today she declares, “mama today you are princess and I am babe“

moments later..
“mahnoor are you hungry?”
“I’m not mahnoor *glares* I am babe!“

oh oops!

“yeah so are you hungry babes?”
“no princess, I’m good.. thanks“

and thus the princess and the babe live happily ever after!
*sigh*
..oh and I even get a brand new castle to live in.. she built it from her blocks!

and another very funny one, I told her to pick out a dress for herself to wear after the shower.. she comes out with a fancy embroidered number that she hadn’t worn in ages and exclaims..
“princess, Its my shadi today!! I haven’t done a shadi in such a long time!!“

..here’s a picture of her in the shadi outfit for today poor girl hasnt done shadi in the longest of times indeed.. we really need to dress up and step out more often!

Three’s not a crowd!

Our Very Own Party of Five (MashAllah!)

Love on auto-pilot

The other night, mahnoor sneaked into our bed halfway through the night..

I woke up the next morning suddenly thrilled to find her there… I snuggled her closer, traced my finger along her earlobe and stroked her silky hair.. Almost nostalgic for soothing baby scent, I sneakily sniffed her hair but it smelled of the fruity tangle-free big-girl shampoo that she had picked out for herself..  I bet you guessed its pink too

*sigh* she turned into a big girl before I was done enjoying her “baby-ness” if thats a word..

I leaned forward and gently whispered “I love you mahnoor” in her ear.. and on a mindless whim, added “hey do you love me?” and there she was – deep in slumber, eyes shut tight.. and she nodded!! OMG! she actually nodded in her sleep to say yes! it wasnt like she stirred, or opened her eyes just nodded and went on sleeping like she was before!

It left me so awed, I cant find the right words to do justice to that feeling.. but my little girl, its like she had her love on auto pilot even when she is sleeping! I know all kids would respond to questions in sleep, but it was something so unexpected or maybe its the preggo hormones acting up but I was reduced to a puddle of mush that very instant and thought I had to put this down before I forget the magic of those 30 seconds!

Spoiled little rich moms

No matter how much we complain of working hard and having too much to do, there are our counterparts in the west that definately have it worse.

I’ve always considered myself really lucky because my mom came to live with me for around a month after every delivery. Besides having her around, I have always had a maid (partime and now full time) and then the ever famous massage lady, who came in every day for 40 days to massage me and the little one. She even bathed the baby and when she left, the little buggers would sleep for hours.

After my c-section, I really milked the extra help I had on hand. I had water brought to me, my meals served, and almost everything I desired came to me, not the other way around. Now I’m not going to say that I had an easy ride. Of course I’ve pulled my weight in some way or the other, but honestly, I’ve heard stories of friends who gave birth in the west, or even regular moms who live in Canada or America that will tell you how hard it is.

A friend who had a c-section lived in a two story house. The kitchen was on the bottom floor, and since there was no one to help her, she was doing stairs after 1 week of surgery. Another girl had a normal delivery, but had a really bad case of the blues, and didn’t eat properly for months. One girl had two kids in school, and had to do school pick and drops within days of her c-section. Different girls, going through different experiences. And in fact, the reality is that most women who give birth in the west have no one to turn to. No extra pampering and no extra love.

I can’t imagine what it must be like to go through something as difficult as child birth and then the early days of motherhood without my mom and all the other accessories that made it easier. Just the mere thought of it is scary, and while my sympathy goes out to all those western moms, I must say, I am deeply impressed with their achievements in motherhood. I know I couldn’t have done it alone.

The Two Kinds of Moms

There are so many different categories that we can divide mothers into. Good/Bad, Clean/Dirty, Hot/Not, Strict/Relaxed… you name it! For every category there is its nemesis. But in my world there is only one category.

The mom’s who have their kids clean up before leaving, and those who don’t.

If I had 100 dhs for every time someone’s kid came to my house and left a HUGE mess, I’d be able to start an early college fund for my kids. WHY?? I mean seriously why do moms do that? Isn’t it just as essential to teach our kids to tidy up at someone else’s house as much as it is in our own? Why don’t mothers think that it’s impolite to leave behind a great big mess? I’ve always been really bothered by these kinds of women, those who collect their kids and their bags and waltz right out of the tornado their kid helped create.

As a rule I have always made my kids tidy up before leaving. Not because I’m trying to show the other person down, but because I think this is an essential character trait to have. We need to learn at a young age that we are responsible to clean up the mess we make. And no matter how many moms I meet, this is the one criteria I use to judge them. It might sound extravagant, but really, at the heart of it, when we try to raise good responsible children, how can we overlook something so critical.

Ladies, I love you all dearly, and hope that none of you is that kind of mom. Teach your children to clean up their own mess, at least when they come to my house

Parenting a Toddler: 201 – The Self Tutorial

I started writing this post with an entirely different idea in mind. I was going down the road of how, in the past, I had changed the “twos” from terrible to terrific. In sight of that, I had gone back to my original blog to dig up the link for my Terrific Twos post – and once I found it, I found a whole host of other posts. In a bizzare world, there was the Hina of yesteryear, parenting a toddler and being honest about the experience. I must have spent a good few hours reading my own entries while nodding and shaking my head. It was hilarious, saddening, entertaining, but most of all – eye opening.

So I HAVE done this before, and it WAS hard then too! Who would have thought! All this while, I had spent telling myself that Ayzah was just a little terrorist, harder than Iman had been, but the truth is… Iman was just as bad. So Kudos to Ayzah for not being as much of a trouble maker as I had made her out to be! And shame on me for not seeing it before.

The series of posts that I managed to read through really enlightened me as a parent. I’ve done this before, it’s a familiar road, I have the directions, I just need to travel the journey, and it’s going to be up to me to enjoy the scenery along the way. I am leaving you girls with the link to my Terrific Two’s  entry. When you read it last, it must have made little to no sense at all. So go back and read it again, and now, as you all stand in the same shoes as me, it should have a lot more meaning.

The Man/Woman Photo Phenomenon

I’ve never understood why men always look good (well at least the good looking ones) and the women (most of us) need a little make up to be presentable. As a parent this ends up being a huge dilemma because it takes away from the spontaneity of picture moments. I have SO many pictures of the girls and Omair doing all kinds of random things, but I have never posed for the camera unless I was all made up.

On one hand it’s a sad truth, but what can I say… the real spontaneous me looks a tad scary, and I refuse to leave behind a legacy of pictures where I could be mistaken for the grim reaper. Although most of it is because of the kids themselves. Had I been sleeping 8 hours a day, I probably would have eyes in place of my black holes. But really, I find it quite unfair that in order to be a part of our photo collection, I have to do my hair, take out concealer, lay out the foundation, cake on some powder, etc.

Ok so it’s not that bad, but it’s not that good either. I guess the only consolation is that the kids always look adorable, so at least when that spontaneous moment arises, I can still capture it – while hiding behind the camera!

What newborns aren’t capable of

There are a lot of things we forget about early parenthood. Usually we forget how small the babies are, and how difficult it is to change those first diapers. We forget how hard it is to give them a bath and squeeze thier teeny tiny arms into the undershirt. We forget that it takes SO long to burp them, that by the time you get them to burp, it’s almost time for another feeding. There’s a lot that we forget.

Last week Ayaan started showing more alertness when he was awake. So I tried to make the most of it. I tickled his tummy, played little games, and did all kinds of things to entertain him. But since he’s so young, he didn’t respond. That’s when I realized that one of the things that I forgot about newborns is that they don’t get entertained so easily. It’s going to be a while before I see a smile