The Two Kinds of Moms
March 20, 2009
There are so many different categories that we can divide mothers into. Good/Bad, Clean/Dirty, Hot/Not, Strict/Relaxed… you name it! For every category there is its nemesis. But in my world there is only one category.
The mom’s who have their kids clean up before leaving, and those who don’t.
If I had 100 dhs for every time someone’s kid came to my house and left a HUGE mess, I’d be able to start an early college fund for my kids. WHY?? I mean seriously why do moms do that? Isn’t it just as essential to teach our kids to tidy up at someone else’s house as much as it is in our own? Why don’t mothers think that it’s impolite to leave behind a great big mess? I’ve always been really bothered by these kinds of women, those who collect their kids and their bags and waltz right out of the tornado their kid helped create.
As a rule I have always made my kids tidy up before leaving. Not because I’m trying to show the other person down, but because I think this is an essential character trait to have. We need to learn at a young age that we are responsible to clean up the mess we make. And no matter how many moms I meet, this is the one criteria I use to judge them. It might sound extravagant, but really, at the heart of it, when we try to raise good responsible children, how can we overlook something so critical.
Ladies, I love you all dearly, and hope that none of you is that kind of mom. Teach your children to clean up their own mess, at least when they come to my house 
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1.
jammie | March 20, 2009 at 7:30 pm
i make it huge deal about putting things back in. sometimes its a game- sometimes its a request- sometimes we see who does it faster- sometimes we do it to a song – but i totally agree with you on this principle. its waay high on my list of things also.
2.
shezahasan | March 22, 2009 at 1:46 am
i’m on u with that one! I can’t stand mums leaving behind a storm at my place. i’ve got a dillemma tho, in public eesa’s great – the moment we say its time to clean up, he’ll start singing barney’s cleanup song and start cleaning. but at home….
eesa’s been a VERY messy kid right from the start (the kind who’d turn over an entire basket to find ONE piece of lego!) and usually requires me to take away privileges before everything is put back in place. i’ve done EVERYTHING that jammie mentioned, but i JUST can’t get them to be tidy. Even Hana, who’s barely 15 mths, get great thrills out of emptying the contents of a drawer or pulling down the books from a bookshelf etc. HELP!
3.
mona | March 22, 2009 at 3:36 am
lol, sheza – all kids do this babe. so long as he cleans up afterward, no biggie right? i’m fairly particular about this, but there must be times i’ve forgotten or just left in a hurry or whatever.
i do think it’s really important to teach kids in general to clean up after themselves, but if someone left once in a while without doing it, i wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.
as long as noo grows up a clear sense of what being a good guest (and host!) entails, i’ll be happy enough.
face it, we don’t expect our guests to stay behind a bit and help with the dishes or putting away left overs after a get-together, do we? in fact, this could just be me, but i’m down right uncomfortable when they do. everything has its place, and we know best in our homes where that goes. i expect kids also have some sort of chaotic order with their toy boxes. just the other side of the argument ladies, feel free to poke holes in it.
4.
jammie | March 22, 2009 at 5:56 am
well actually, dont we atleast kind of offer to help with a clear up when we can-? Or help bring things in /out of the kitchen? I think its just a matter of courtesy and it can never be a bad thing to at least make the concpet clear. Lord knows I even sort of clean up for my cleaning lady hahaah because i feel bad about leaving too much of a mess. Thankfully nadi is young enough right now to get carried along with the game- but at my moms where this cincept is not enforced as much he doesnt bother. So now my mom has been requested to make a big deal by making him put things back “in”
shez- i think it will come to them- as they grow older- the impt thing is make to sure they know its never ok to leave a mess i think.
5.
mona | March 22, 2009 at 9:22 am
yes, we do. and i’d consider it rude too, if someone didn’t offer – i’d never let them actually do anything, but i’d still like to be asked because i’d do the same. moer than anything, i’d love for the guest-host relationship to be open and honest. as a host ask for a hand when you need it and as a guest, take no for answer.
for now though, like you’ve asked your mom to do at her place jam, i’m encouraging noo to put things back once she’s done with them. no frenzied running from toy to toy. i love that she’s fairly ocd about these things as well, puts things back JUST as they were, before. what i can’t stand though, and we discussed this once before, is moms not cleaning up their childrens’ messes – spilled juice, cake crumbs, etc. that i think we as mothers should never, ever forget to do!
6.
hinamommy | March 22, 2009 at 10:04 am
Cool, we’re in open discussion, I should hold off my new post while this continues…
Shez, kids learn and unlearn concepts ALL the time. There will be phases where Iman will clean up on her own, and then phases where we keep asking and asking and she doesn’t. I think, as J said, as long as the concept is there for them, the rest will follow, in time.
Mona, again… as J said, when we go somewhere, we do offer our help. As a matter of being polite. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say… I do judge women who think it’s ok to leave a mess in other people’s houses. Maybe I’m more sensitive to this because I have been pregnant all year and had no maid, so I found it harder to pick up. In a lot of cases, when moms see a maid, they’re less inclined to urge their child to clean up… which is a WHOLE new post all together
7.
mona | March 23, 2009 at 3:52 am
i think i look at it a little differently right now mostly because i only have one, and i’ve never had a huge bunch of kids come over and make the toys explode all over the house. that could be it
like i mentioned the other kind of mess, like the spilled juice or milk, broken vases etc – that, i’d judge a mom for – not clearing up herself, and expecting the host to take care of it. annoying!
8.
mayG | March 26, 2009 at 3:26 am
coming in late to the discussion but I am a nutty sort – much as I’d be very uncomfortable with my kid leaving a mess behind at somebody’s place, I’d be as uncomfortable if some guests try to tidy up my house before they left!
and hey, maybe I can’t know what H has been through because we’ve not had to entertain the very violent kinds of pint-sized guests as yet and I hope we never do!
oh and mona ditto on the spills and crumbs and broken vases.. that is so not on!