Mother’s Day 2011 – The Zuberi Babies
07 May 2011 3 Comments
MashAllah, my awesome trio! You might drive me slightly crazy by the time afternoon rolls around, BUT… you make every morning worth waking up for. Individually each of you is amazing, and collectively… your presence in my life is unmatched by anything else 
thanks to you guys… Happy Mother’s Day to ME
Free Love (for cake)
20 Feb 2011 1 Comment
Hina: I used to have perfect skin, it’s not the same anymore. It’s probably all the cake I’m eating in Pakistan.
Omair: There were cakes in Dubai.
Hina: Yeah but I think I eat more here.
Omair: Why?
Hina: It’s the conversion dude. Do you NOT know that a Dhs. 25 slice cost Dhs 5 here! I’m compelled to eat 5 times as much cake, just to balance out finances in the universe!
Haircuts and Attitudes
19 Feb 2011 1 Comment
As I strive each year to look hotter and younger (heaven forbid a mom-type!!) hair plays SUCH a crucial role. Whether it was last year’s long Katrina Kaif locks with curls, or this year’s Cameron Diaz’s super sexy sleek do – the ‘look’ is all about the hair.
In recent conversation with Mona, we were discussing how much a hair style can effect our attitudes. Her husband claims that with Mona’s short crop, she’s got some extra oomph. Last year when Sara traded in her old style for a sexier shorter look I was totally floored! With a short visit to the salon, we can give up our old hassled look for something nicer and much more stylish. Hair makes SUCH a difference. Gives us that little extra bounce in our step and doesn’t just make us a little more hotter, but also, a little more haughter.
The way we were
14 Feb 2011 1 Comment
Over coffee with Jammie the other day, I started thinking about the reasons we choose to write. Whether it’s our way of reaching the masses, getting some sort of message across, trying to remember a moment an event through our own eyes, or for pure and selfish reasons – to console ourselves, our writing gives us freedom.
Besides its obvious communicative qualities, writing can also be incredibly theraputic. There’s no better way to get rid of emotional baggage than to put the word out there in the universe. Somehow, once written, words don’t just belong to us any more, and that feeling in itself is liberating.
So if it’s all that and more, then why did we ever stop?
When I last posted on TOAMK, I was struggling to get to know Ayzah better. Trying to get into her head and figure out whether my ‘mothering’ was actually ‘smothering’. I’ve learned over these past months that Ayzah likes her own space. She’ll come to you with her problems, if you let her. And when she does, you can’t ask too many questions or make too many suggestions. For her, comfort means your presence, not anything else.
I was also trying to juggle a career and kids. Which actually turned into 2 jobs and no help with the kids. But I’m glad to report, I’m still doing just fine. I resigned from my post as editor at the parenting magazine that I was working with. My reason? The kids needed me more. And the money being offered wasn’t good enough to make me want to selfishly become a lesser mom. Obviously with the right price tag, even motherhood is up for sale, but that would mean that my time at work would be able to buy my children a better life. And in this case, that wasn’t the case.
Besides the obvious passing of time, my life hasn’t changed much. I am still waiting to move to Canada, and in the meanwhile, putting so much of myself on ‘hold’ because for me, life in Pakistan isn’t a reality – it’s just a phase, a phase in which I refuse to live the life I want, because I hate living out of compromise. So I have conveniently managed to convince myself that this year and half just doesn’t exist in the big picture. Although I must admit, that despite my resistance to accepting my own circumstances, there is so much I have learned during my time here. So much about relationships, about reality, about inner strength, about parenting, about fears and about hope. So maybe this wasn’t the plan, and maybe it wasn’t the best turn in the road, but it has truly been fruitful, and if I keep focussed on what I have gained, then I will walk out of here, with the glass still half full.
Here’s to the way we were… and the writing that is still to come.
When Ayzah Turned to Dad for Comfort
26 Jun 2010 3 Comments
As mothers we take it for granted that our little ones are completely dependent on us. And when they go off and do something out of the ordinary, it displaces our sense of “motherhood” leaving us to question if we’re playing the role right in the first place.
Ayzah has always been the kind of kid to stump me with all that she does. She’s stubborn and so strong-willed, and most of the time her choices take me by surprise. A few days ago I picked up the girls from summer camp and I did what I usually do. In the car I asked them about their day, what they did, what they made, what was for snack. On our ride home we usually just chat about school and I get to hear all kinds of colorful stories ranging from the color of jello to the kids in class. The day continued to progress as normal, as we went through showers and lunch and then play time. When Omair came home from work the kids went out on the balcony to play with him. Seemingly everything was exactly the way is usually is. At night, when Omair was helping the kids brush their teeth, I heard Ayzah say…
“See Baba, I’m not a baby, I can brush my own teeth. Tomorrow I’m going to tell Khizer that I’m not a baby, I’m a big girl.“
My ears perked up. I was clearly missing part of the conversation. There was something more to this. So when the kids went to bed, I asked Omair what that was all about. He told me that while they were playing in the balcony, Ayzah came up to him and told him about an incident at school. Khizer – a boy in her class, had told Ayzah that she’s a baby, and she was really sad and upset because of it.
For a moment there (in all dramatic fashion) I felt the earth shift beneath me.
This was tragic.
My 3 year old experienced something hurtful at school, which she didn’t tell me about. We spoke in the car – she didn’t bring it up. I asked about school – she didn’t say anything. We spent the entire afternoon together – she was completely normal. But hours later, when Omair came home, at a time when I wasn’t around, she had a conversation with him, telling him that she was really sad because someone called her a baby (these last few weeks she’s been trying extra hard to act all grown up!!). She was so bothered by it, that at night, while brushing her teeth, she validated her “big girl-ness”. Yet despite the gravity of the situation (for her), she didn’t say a word to me!
Earth shattering.
I’m surprised that she made a conscious choice to go to her father and not to me. What kind of comfort was she looking for that I couldn’t provide? I asked Omair what he responded with when she came to him, and he replied…
“I asked her, are you a baby?
And she said ‘no’.
So I said… then? What’s the big deal, you’re not a baby, who cares what Khizer says?“
Is it Omair’s simplicity and straightforwardness that Ayzah connects with? Maybe I’m just too dramatic for her. Is it easier for her to share stories with someone who will give her a more straight answer? But whatever the case, she made a choice and I’m jealous, because I wish that she’d come to me instead. As a mother, I’m used to having Iman come to me with all her life’s woes. She explains things in detail and expects a reaction for everything. Ayzah’s choice of confiding in Omair has left me questioning myself. Have I not met her standards? Why does she feel that her non-expressive father is a better person to turn to? Will she ever turn to me in times of personal crisis? If she doesn’t want drama, I can be simple and straight forward, all I need is for her to give me a chance.
This post was inspired by a conversation I had with Jammie this morning.
Trapped
23 Jun 2010 1 Comment
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re kind of stuck where you are? And you really really want to get out but you can’t? For some reason or the other, there’s a hurdle in every path you take. No one seems to understand what you’re saying, and you’re just so confused and lost.
It’s a terrible place to be.
If you could see me right now
21 Jun 2010 4 Comments
We’re going to go back and re-visit my old complaint of trying to be a stay-at-home/working mom. As much as I love my job and the hours I get to do, I’m still hating the fact that I have to manage home and kids while trying to sound a micro-bit professional. Just a few hours ago, I was helping Ayzah wash her hands after using the toilet, using one leg to keep Ayaan from toddling over TO the toilet to throw something in, and at the same time very cautiously trying to have a phone conversation with a client whose photo shoot we’re doing tomorrow.
Sometimes the multi-tasking makes my head spin. Today on the phone I said to Omair – you’re lucky, when you go to work you get to switch off from home and everything here. You can focus and concentrate, while on the other hand, how am I supposed to do ANYTHING when I’ve got kids buzzing all around me??
The worst was today, when I was on the phone and Ayzah starts yelling from the bathroom… “I’m done mommy – DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNEEE DONNNNNEEEEEEEE DOOOOOOOONNNNEEEEEEEEEE. Wash me, wash me, wash me… my poo smells so stinky! And I obliged, because that was the only way I knew she’d get quiet again.
If the person who I was talking to, could see me then, there’s no way anyone would take me seriously.
Father’s Day Special
20 Jun 2010 1 Comment
If you’ve missed it on FB… then here’s the direct link.
A Good Dad’s Guide
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=444509&id=528295430&l=2c79d2dd23
Happy Father’s Day to all the dad’s in our lives. They go unmentioned so many times and taken for granted, but truth is, without them, the little ones wouldn’t survive past 6pm every day
If I could leave a legacy
19 Jun 2010 1 Comment
If I could leave a legacy in my children,
I’d want them to be good-natured,
kind, respectful, loving and faithful.
I’d want them to look out for each other,
to be honest and open and friendly.
I’d want them to take chances,
be dreamers and darers.
I’d want them to experience love,
accomplishment and pride.
I’d want them to have moments of humbleness
gratitude and generosity.
But most of all I wish to leave them with a legacy of optimism,
because life comes with surprise packages, and it’s our attitudes that allow us to plough through.
I wish to leave a legacy in my kids,
a legacy of positivity.
What they don’t tell you in parenting books…
18 Jun 2010 Leave a Comment
That your child will have an amazing sense of humor. Their simplicity and pure unedited mind frame will provide endless belly laughs, and you’ll be amazed at how a little creature who knows close to nothing about the world and its ways, can be so comical at times.
When the kids say funny things, it’s the highlight of my parenting experience.
talesofamotherkind
jammie
HMZ
Mona S.
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