Confessions of a loving mother- 2
01 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
Sometimes I take out all those mails and FB messages from the post Z time and read them just to remember how those days felt. I even had all the messages from the time I was admitted to the Janaza saved and would scroll through them until my phone crashed. Sign from Above to move on? I wonder if I will ever lose that sense of reality and immediacy and part of me doesn’t want to, even though I know that it’s the process of healing that I should.
Confessions of a loving mother 1
11 May 2011 1 Comment
in MomTalk
Once a day I just really really want them both to be asleep or away (at the same time) so I can watch a movie, go the bathroom, finish my post and not have to share my ice lolly.
mother’s day 2011 on our end.
08 May 2011 4 Comments
For me Mother’s Day is so directly connected to my mom that when I think of the word mother, I think of her. I know I am a mom now and I do all the stuff required with that title but somehow, in light of where we are and what my mom has done, I don’t yet feel deserving of this holiday. Maybe in a few years time.
But since all of us work bloody hard to make sure we manage to retain some essence of our old selves in the midst of this child raising chaos, I am so proud and glad (and relieved!) to be part of a time when motherhood is something that extends us, not limits us. Happy Mother’s Day to us all.
buy one, get one free.
02 Jul 2010 6 Comments
Can you see? Can you see? I dont know why- perhaps the machines have been a little dinosaury or perhaps I just haven’t had the vision but I have never been able to see anything in the ultrasounds till these last two. This one in particular was creepy clear 
As you can see one is in breech (the top head shot) and one is in transverse. And the other one is either about to suck her thumb in profile or is about to reach out to grab the cord. In the moving scan, they looked rather alien like and I was sort of tempted to get a 3D scan done just for kicks but those are even scarier from what I hear.
These two little ones are diamnitoic (in separate sacs) but share a placenta (monochrionic) which essentially means they have separate straws but same sippy cup. Ew, I know but best explains it. 
Apparently most twins of this formation are identical.
I think I am finally getting excited.
The Random 25- the mom perspective.
25 Feb 2009 3 Comments
1. I have learnt that I don’t mind taking a shower in less than 3 mins. I have also learnt that I dont mind not taking a shower at all at times.
2. People said I would lose my selfish streak after I had a baby. I didn’t. I personally think I became more selfish.
3. People also said I’d start liking all kinds of kids- I haven’t. I am very choosy.
4. After Nadi, I feel like I have tapped in myself some great reserve of strength and ability I was previously unaware I had.
5. Contrary to what most people said it would be, the first six weeks with Nadi were magical- it was like we were suspended in bubble and the outside world did not exist.
6. We had the name Nadir all pegged out but no girl names. No clue what we would have done had he been a she.
7. If I had a word to give my pregnancy time, it would be butterflies.
8. Since we are a majority girls family, I had no idea what I would do with a little boy if I had one. Now that I have one, I cannot imagine what on earth I would have done with a little girl.
9. I am slowly turning into the kind of mom I always thought I might be one day.
10. I love taking Nadi out- to coffee shops, malls, shopping, groceries even to the campus. His take on day to day life being an adventure is addictive and much needed.
11. I thought that having Nadi would somehow take away from me and k being a couple. I realize now that it affirms it in every way possible.
12. I loved not working. Even if it only lasted 2 months.
13. I can breastfeed, use the computer, and have lunch all at the same time. While making a mental to-do list for the day. And they say robots will take over in this century. BAH.
14. I dont know how parents who have lost children move on- or continue- i’ts my greatest greatest fear one that can bring me down to my knees even in its mere mention.
15. The smell I associate with my Nadir birth time is Salvatore Ferragamos Incanto Shine.
16. I have realized that in so many ways I am the exact opposite mother my mother was. And in just as many ways, I am the exact same.
17. I don’t see myself as a Dadi type. More like a Nani. So I need to have a couple fo girls while I am at it.
18. Sometimes I put clips in Nadir’s hair to see what my daughter might look like.
19. I am a great advocator of independent sleeping but sometimes in the middle of the night, when k is fast asleep, I go get Nadi back into my bed just because I miss him.
20. I might prefer to believe that everything from bottle weaning to food habits to good behaviour have gone smoothly because of me but the plain truth is that I got damn lucky.
21. Voluntary hugs rock my world.
22. I love saying my boys are waiting for me. I love seeing my boys come to pick me up from campus. I love being the only girl in the family so far. But I still want a girl one day inshallah.
23. I hope I have not become the kind of person who has forsaken all her other identities to be only a mom. I want to be able to relate to my friends who are not in the same place in life as I am without being constantly distracted or totally self obsessed or utterly bored.
24. I may be Nadir’s birth mother, but my sisters are the real fairy god-moms. The ones who feel his every pain, indulge his every whim, grant his every wish and refuse to say no, no matter what.
25. The last few minutes before I am about to see Nadi after a gap for 3-4 hours I actually feel like jumping up and down with excitement in the anticipation of his eyes lighting up when he sees me.
the non-mom friends
28 Aug 2008 4 Comments
There wasn’t such a difference between married and unmarried friends I felt, as there is between mom and non-mom friends. Recently I find myself so much more intolerant of friends who are not moms because I feel they have no clue. I am jealous of course of their long leisurely baths and pedicures, I think enviously that when they are tired, they can just take a nap- no permissions needed; without bthe need to plan out in advance. I look at them in amazement when they talk about being tired because they were watching a season run of Greys Anantomy and could “only” sleep in till 12 noon because the phone woke them up. I find myself getting short and iritated at long drawn out versions of unnecessary conversations, at the needless analsis of he said she said. I want everything to be short, to the point and useful. Sigh. I think I might be turning into a real mom.
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