Four Mother’s Days and Counting

08 May 2011 2 Comments

by Mona S. in Uncategorized

Babies and I

You two, my own little monkeys, have taught me so many things – how little sleep I can manage on for a year or two at a time, how many of my own words I can actually eat and stomach, how terrible twos aren’t limited only to the twos, and the very pinnacles or embarrassment and patience, amongst so many other in the same vein.

On the flip side, I’ve also learned how wonderful it is doing ‘nothing’ all day long with you, how precious gummy smiles are, how intoxicating the smell of your heads and necks and other crevices is, how deliciously soft and strokeable your skin is and of course, the inimitable joy of watching you two sleep deeply among a million other such wonderful lessons.

These are only a few of the things I’ve learned in four years of mothering. Four short years, because you know what they say, the days may be long but the years are so short.

Happy Mother’s Day, to me and my fellow mommas!

Aargh

09 Aug 2009 6 Comments

by Mona S. in MomTalk Tags: ,

If one more person comments on the fact that my family will now be complete / perfect because I’m having a boy come November, I’m going to scream. ‘One of each kind, you’re so lucky’ is a statement I’ve come to hate with a passion. It’s killed my joy that I’ve having a little boy – a boy I wanted only for variety’s sake – not because having a male child will ‘complete’ my family.

I’m not kidding when I say I’d have been just as happy with another daughter, or even another two daughters and I wouldn’t go on endlessly having children trying to produce a male heir. Our Grand Plan includes three kids and I KNOW I’d have been perfectly content if all of them turned out to be daughters. Of course, we’d miss having a son because we wouldn’t have known what bringing up a boy was like but not because of the other, horrible, illogical reasons.

What depresses me is that these comments aren’t coming only from the older generation, who prized their sons, their male heirs – I could ignore those - but even from people who belong to our more global, free-thinking and even feminist generation – the generation that should be working towards a gender-wise egalitarian society. Still such a long way to go. Funnily, these comments are from women more than men. Most men comment about how cool it would be to share the joys of PS II / other gadgets with the new addition but thank God, nothing about how I’ve done my duty by my husband, my family, as a woman and wife, by having a son because that would drive me to the point of actual homicide.

I want these comments to stop at ‘one of each kind! congratulations!’ – I don’t want to hear anymore. I have three months to go and I want to spend it thinking happy thoughts instead of murderous ones.

Forever on the move

28 Feb 2009 3 Comments

by Mona S. in Silent Saturdays

always in motion

Random things about being a mom

25 Feb 2009 3 Comments

by Mona S. in Uncategorized Tags: ,

1. Motherhood has taught me more patience than I thought I had.

2. And that I have a higher threshold for pain than I thought.

3. ‘Noo’ heights of love. I love her fiercely.

4. And that, love is one-directional. It only flows downward, sadly.

5. Cliched as it sounds, I think motherhood completes me in a way that nothing ever has – I didn’t even know I felt incomplete until I had Noo.

6. I want a huge family, and I would go right ahead if it wasn’t for the whole pregnancy and delivery thing.

7. And of course, the actual act of raising good (whatever that means) children.

8. After having a speaking child, the thought of guessworking my way around a newborn again freaks me out.

9. I want a baby boy this year – just for variety.

10. But I’d be just as happy if I have another girl. In fact I have a feeling, I’ll have another girl this year.

11. Baby boys scare me a little bit.

12. Mostly, the circumcision bit, but the whole idea of connecting with a toddler that’s a he.

13. I’ve always loved little children but since I’ve had Noo, I love them even more. Even others.

14. Unless they pick on Noo or are mean to her – then I’m capable of hating little kids. Even if it’s only for a few minutes.

15. As a mother, I’ve eaten a lot of my own words.

16. And I suspect I will continue to do so.

17. I’m fairly laid-back as a mother. I don’t cover Noo in hand sanitizer and *gasp* the other day, I knew she was going to put a handful of sand in her mouth and I didn’t stop her.

18. I love that I’ve been able to teach Noo good eating habits.

19. I pray desperately they’ll stay put.

20. Chicken nugget happy meals from McD’s changed my life as a mother for the better.

21. I hate it when kids are dressed up like miniature adults. I like kids in kiddy clothes.

22. It drives me up the wall to see shoes for under-5s with heels on them.

23. I say it doesn’t bother me that Noo is a shy child, but I think on some level it does.

24. I’m terrified of putting Noo in some sort of playschool because she might have fun  and not want to come back!

25. Motherhood has put such fear in me. I can see accidents everywhere waiting to happen, things that can hurt or harm Noo.

And one bonus,

I think I’m a better mom when there are people around than when I’m alone. And that scares me.

G’parents

14 Jan 2009 2 Comments

by Mona S. in MomTalk Tags: , ,

I stayed at my mom’s place very briefly right after Noo was born. Since we’ve never really ‘lived’ with the g’parents.

When I worked she saw her grandparents every day and once I quit, it became twice or thrice a week for a couple hours. This worked out very well, because the g’parents and I both understood that this was their one-on-one time with her and I stayed out of the way. They spoiled her and she knew her limits. She knew what worked on and for her g’parents didn’t necessarily work for mama.

But! For about a month now I’ve been back at my dad’s, filling in for my mom and it has been a hard month in terms of parenting. I say no to something, he lets her do it. If she wants something that she knows she won’t get, she’ll go through her nana. This is constantly undermining my authority in front of Noo. Ultimately, I have to be harsher on and stricter with Noo than I usually am. 

She’s a fiery and stubborn little girl with a one-track mind. It’s not as easy to distract her from what she wants, once she’s set her sights on it. We had a nice little routine worked out and it was going really well for us. Throw in the chicken pox, and a g’parent who turns to mush around his grandchild, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. 

Over the last few weeks, I’ve learned that it really important to set limits with g’parents. This time around they have all the fun without the responsibility of raising the children and tend to go overboard with it. It’s quite simple really, all they need to do is never questioning or ignoring the parents’ authority or stand on something, especially in front of the child. It isn’t easy on the parents or the grandparents but to raise a ‘good’ child, it’s the only way to go.

The conversation isn’t an easy one to have either – these are your parents after all. They’ve done everything you’re currently doing for your own little one and more for you / your husband. For your child, for the sake of the relationship you share with your child and the relationship your child will share with his / her g’parents, it’s an absolutely necessary one. 

We’re still working the kinks out in this household. This is a temp situation for now but at some point in the future, if we have to ever live with either set of g’parents, this is one conversation or area of adjustment I don’t want to have to go over again and again.

From the other side of the glass

29 Oct 2008 Leave a Comment

by Mona S. in MomTalk Tags:

Yesterday, I met a non-mom friend for coffee. We ended up talking about kids, and she commented that I was very patient with the nooster. That I didn’t resort to talking to her with frustration, like she was an adult – even when I was annoyed. I accepted the compliment graciously, ceasing to mention that it was just a good day.
She told me of a friend who she’d heard say, now what do you want, tone and expression to match to her three year old and was shocked at that mom’s behavior. Even as I nodded and tut-tutted, I felt for that mom. I’m not saying what she did was okay, or for that matter, that it wasn’t, but we’ve all been there at least once, when the kid/s is/are driving us up the wall and you really wish you were in an alternate reality with a sweet, obedient child or no child at all.
 
It sucks that parents judge each other knowing what it’s really like but when non-parents make the same judgements, from the other side of the glass, it’s kind of nice that we can and do band together and reason for each other. 

Of Zzz’s

26 Oct 2008 3 Comments

by Mona S. in MomTalk Tags:

With Noo, I’ve been made to eat so many of my words – it’s unbelievable. The more recent have been the ones about sleeping arrangements.

Before Noo was born, I was decided, she wasn’t going to sleep with me – it was cruel to get the child used to one thing from birth and then bam! at one or two or three years of age expect to do something completely different without protest. As adults, we’re not big fans of change and we’re talking about little children here who live for routine (well, kind of!).

I had no trouble getting her to sleep in her own crib, thanks to the pacifier. Once we broke that habit too, it was still fairly easy, she was so used to it. She’d finish up her bottle and turn around and fall asleep. Life was good. Then we had to go ruin it by moving right around the time four teeth were coming in, all together.

I was working, I needed my sleep too and I couldn’t be waking a few times to go pat or sing her back to sleep. Exhausted from long days at work, house work, cooking and the ILs, I started bringing her to bed with me around 1 or 2 am and letting her stay with us. At some point, and I can’t remember when or why for that matter, that’s where she fell asleep, on our bed and I didn’t bother putting her back in the crib, when I’d have to wake and bring her back in a few hours. Needless to say, she and I started to sleep better.

I know that eventually I have to think about moving her to her own bed, but I’m not too worried about it just yet.  I know that this chilled attitude may come back and bite me in the butt later, but for now, this is working for us and I’m content to leave things be. I get a lot of criticism about the whole co-sleeping arrangement now that I’m not working anymore, and if not words, you know ‘that’ look but I’m getting so good at deflecting both.

There’s really no point to this post except to wake this blog up after a long nap. And to say, it was fairly easy to eat these words. Salt? Pepper? No thanks!

when the little belly buddies first met…

27 Sep 2008 Leave a Comment

by Mona S. in Silent Saturdays Tags: ,

…much fun was had. We, the mothers, expected something more – though we don’t know what - having spent together more than 8 hours a day together for the duration of our pregnancies – maybe we expected the kids to bond in-utero, across bellies?

Hana and Ayden, a little over 4 and 5 months old*.

At a little over 6 and 7 months old.

* Ayden arrived 4 weeks early while Noo took her sweet time showing up.

I’m The Mom?

25 Sep 2008 2 Comments

by Mona S. in MomTalk Tags:

The mom in the house is usually the most important person. She is the one with the unending supplies of energy and enthusiasm, the one that serves delicious food (home-made or take-out), the one that always knows what you need and when you need it, the one that knows where everything is, the one that does all the jobs at home that have everyone else going ewwww with hardy good cheer and the one last to bed and first up. The mom is the trooper, who does whatever needs doing. That’s how I remember it from my own childhood.

Now that I’ve been running my own house for over three years, the arrival of Little Miss Noodle has confirmed my ‘The Mom’ status. Pre-Noo, Z and I always argued about who’s turn it was to do stuff. We took turns and everything got done. And then Noo arrived and somewhere along the way, I morphed into the Mom. Now, I’m the one that wakes cheerily even after just an hour of going to bed when she needs cuddles or milk. I’m the one that makes sure everyone’s up when they need to be. And I’m also the one getting out the toys Noo happily chucks in the drain while I’m attending the call of nature and sanitizing them. I’m the one that gets the icky stuff clogging the kitchen sink out with nary a wince. 

I can’t believe it because I never expected to, but I’m turning into The Mom.

Mommy & Me

16 Sep 2008 Leave a Comment

by Mona S. in MomTalk Tags: ,

When I’ve been away from Noo for over an hour or so, sometimes, just in a different room and we see each other, I see this pure joy on her face – the joy of just seeing me again – mirroring exactly what I’m feeling.

It’s such a real, and yet rare expression - one I’ve only ever seen on parents when they see their children and very young children when they see their parents.

Every time she looks at me like that, I bask in the moment – let the happiness of having the reaction reciprocated seep to the very core of my soul, and then quickly file it away. For all those times that she will be too busy living her own life to be really and truly happy to see me or be with me. I hope that she will just as often as not. That is how it is for me – some days, I’m too busy to talk to my mom, too busy to go see her or when I’m with her, on the phone or in person, I’m not really all there.

I really hope that my mom too has her own special memories of the days when she was the only centre of my universe, and that she gets them out occasionally, dusts them and remembers that, busy with my own life now as I may be, she will always hold a very special place in my heart - one nobody else could ever fill.

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